Keep a Man Coming Back for More
by: Terry Hernon MacDonald
Ben* has been happily married for 19 years. He
recently told me the prime reason he married his wife
is because, "She was the only girl I dated who could
control me."
I had no idea what he was talking about. I don't
know many people, men or women, who enjoy being
controlled.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I dated a lot of girls, some of them pretty
seriously. I was actually close to being engaged to
one of them, but I didn't go through with it because
she couldn't control me.
But my wife Christine* could. If I wanted to go out
with my friends, she'd say, 'Have fun,' and that was
it.
It was such a change from the other girls I dated,
who used to give me a hard time, wanted to know where
I was going and why they couldn't come with me. I went
out for a while with one girl who actually said,
'Okay, but now you owe me' when I wanted to go to a
wrestling match with a buddy. It was a major turn-off.
But Christine couldn't care less. Whenever I told
her I wanted to go out without her, she'd just smile
at me and say, 'Have fun.'"
"How exactly was that controlling you?" I asked.
"You got what you wanted."
"Yeah," he said, "But as soon as I went out, I
missed her. I knew she wasn't sitting around waiting
for me to call. I didn't know what she was doing. And
since she didn't give me grief about me going out, I
didn't feel like I'd made prison break. I ended up
wishing I was with her, instead of with my friends."
Lest you think this is sexist, put yourself in
Ben's place: Who would you be more attracted to? A guy
who calls you three times a day, makes demands on your
time, and harasses you when you want to go out with
your friends? Or a guy who calls once a day (or a
couple of times a week), asks you what you'd like to
do over the weekend, and tells you to have fun when
you want to go out with your friends?
Wouldn't you want you to see the second guy more
often?
The lesson here is, if you want a relationship with
somebody, you must give him air. Give him his freedom.
(It doesn't matter if you have nothing else to do
except pre-treat the perspiration stains on your
blouses, keep it to yourself.) Smile and tell him to
have a ball. Then let him wonder how you'll spend your
time off.
Is it scary? Sure, it's scary! What if he meets
another woman while he's scarfing down nachos at the
local tavern? Well, what if he does? He's obviously
not the right guy for you, and it's better to know
that sooner than later.
But consider this: What if he goes out and notices
the happy couples and wishes he were with you instead
of his friends? What if it dawns on him that the
unattached girls hanging out at the bar can't compare
to the woman he really wants (you!)?
What if he spends the night thinking of you,
missing you, wondering what you're doing and who
you're with? Thinking about what a breath of fresh air
you are, a woman who's secure enough to do her own
thing and give him some time on his own?
What if? |
