Dating Advice : Midlife Dating
Dating at Midlife: What's First?
By
Carla Herrera
More American women over 45 are single, than ever before. According
to the latest population surveys, someone turns 50 every 8 seconds in
the U.S. and more than half of that figure is female.
According to Christian Science Monitor writer, Marilyn Gardner, “To
newly minted singles coming out of long marriages, the prospect of
dating can be daunting.”
At the initial phase of dating, the boomer woman may want to ask
herself, “why date?” In other words, what is the objective?
In 2003, AARP conducted a study asking participants why they dated
and found “the single most important...reason...is to have someone to
talk to or do things with.” This reason accounted for almost half of the
singles in the study.
One woman from an email group didn’t agree, “If these two reasons
were the only reason for a woman to date it might be less complicated if
she ran around with another woman instead of a man. She wouldn't have to
worry about giving the guy the wrong signals. If I dated a guy it would
also be because I found him sexually attractive,” she said.
Other reasons from the study included: to have fun, find a partner,
find someone to marry and to fulfill sexual needs.
Understanding why you want to date is an important first step in the
process. This gives you a clear objective and eliminates unnecessary
time spent in relationships that have nothing to do with your objective.
In addition to dating motivations, the new single should consider
what type of relationship they want. Susan Dunn, EQ coach of Momentum
Coaching asks, “Companionship without commitment? Is that with or
without sex? Do you want long-term and sex? Is that with or without
commitment? Friend with benefits? Benefits without friendship? Marriage?
Is that marriage with or without fidelity?”
Once you know what you want, you can learn to ask for what you want.
Don’t be shy when you begin dating, the time (and heart) you save is
your own.
Knowing when you’re ready to date is just as important as why.
Generally, experience and distance from relationships gives a person not
just a needed break, but also some insight into their motivations and
what they need from a relationship.
If you’re going to step out again here are a few things to consider:
- Are you mentally prepared to deal with whatever situation may
arise?
- Is your self-esteem at a high point?
- Do you have confidence in your choices and avoid second guessing
yourself?
If you have these three collared, you’re ready to get back out
there.
Carla R. Herrera is a freelance writer and author of The
Contemporary Woman’s Guide to Midlife: Essays and Resources for Life
Transitions. She’s currently working on her next book,
Contemporary Woman’s Guide to Midlife Dating and publishes an online
magazine for midlife women,
40+
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