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At times in our lives, we each experience problems in our relationships, in dating or meeting people. Sometimes these relationship problems can be small ones and sometimes they can be major ones. We can all use a little help and advice in dealing with these problems. One of the best ways of seeking help is to talk about or share your problems. Here, we give you the chance to tell us about your problem.

 

I feel more attracted to younger men.

I am a 39 year old divorced mother of two.  I know I have a lot to offer in a relationship (caring, intelligent, professional job, own home, feisty personality, physically very fit and attractive).   However, my feelings of inadequacy stem from childhood and therefore, I find it hard to start a relationship even though I have a lot of dates and an active sex life.  As I am young at heart I am drawn to younger men who do not have children.  I try to be realistic about this fact and so assume that these men will not want a serious relationship with me - thus I behave as if I do not want a serious relationship with them. I do not want to get hurt.  I have tried dating older more serious men who already have children but they fall in love with me and my feelings towards them are not reciprocated.  I feel more at home with younger rebellious types as I am a rebellious type myself.   I feel as if I am going nowhere and now feel lonely and used.  If you have any advice for helping me get out of this rut I would trully appreciate it.  I have already had 2 years of councelling but I do not feel it has been of much help to me.
 

 

Our reply

You say you have had two years of counseling but they haven't helped. It sounds as if they have actually helped a lot because few people who had not had counseling would be able to express their problem with such clarity and insight as you have done.

Possibly where the counselling is no longer being effective is that you do not seem to be focussed upon a goal. Perhaps it is now time to identify what you want, as that will help you decide how to move on and out of the rut.

You say that you have a lot to give to a relationship, you also identify some of the barriers you have to building a relationship, including, it seems, your expectation that it will not work.

Perhaps now is the time to consider coaching as a development from counselling. Coaching will enable you to identify your aim or goal and ways of working toward it. It will also be there to help you recognise when your barriers or negative feelings come into play and help you deal with them.

Interview with Valerie Gibson

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In this book, Valerie Gibson takes the reader on a witty romp through all the excitement, satisfaction, drawbacks and pitfalls of dating younger men. This book has great insights and advice for women who find themselves attracted to the younger man.

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

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