No More Lonely Weekends!
By Royane Real
How do you react when you are faced with spending another weekend alone
because nobody has invited you to do anything with them?
Do you mope around the apartment, hoping that the phone will ring, and
wishing that somebody, somewhere, will call to invite you to do something?
Just because no one has invited you to do anything with them, doesn’t
mean you have to spend your time alone feeling lonely, depressed or bored.
You can actually make sure that you fill your spare time with activities
that you really enjoy. And you can take steps to create a better social life
for yourself.
Many people who don’t have a very active social life, punish themselves
further by refusing to do the things they really enjoy unless they are with
someone else. Does this happen to you?
Do you tell yourself that you could never go to the movies or the theatre
or have dinner by yourself because you can’t enjoy yourself without a
partner?
Maybe you’re a person who loves going to gourmet restaurants, or to live
theater, or action movies, but you never go to these activities unless you
have someone else to go with. If you don’t have a partner to go out with,
you just stay home.
You might think you can’t enjoy your favorite activities if you’re alone.
Or you might be worried about what others might think if they see you alone
in public.
If you have convinced yourself that you cannot enjoy any of your favorite
activities if you do them alone, your attitude will create a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
If you go out alone, and then spend the whole time thinking how terrible
it is that you don’t have somebody with you, then no matter how great your
meal is, and no matter how funny the movie that you see by yourself, you
will still go home miserable.
But notice that in a situation like this, it’s not the fact that you’re
alone that is causing your misery.
Your misery is caused because you are telling yourself some very negative
thoughts, and letting yourself believe that they must be true. When you let
critical negative thoughts fill your mind, your emotions will follow where
your thoughts are going, and you will feel terrible.
The good news is that you don’t have to say anything negative to yourself
at all! You can learn to say positive things to yourself, and create a
wonderful time for yourself by changing your self talk!
Just because you haven’t received an invitation from anyone else, it
doesn’t mean you have to stay home alone feeling sorry for yourself.
Decide to go out and do some activity that you really enjoy, and treat it
like a special date – a date with yourself!
Don’t go into the experience telling yourself that you will have a lousy
time. When you go to something alone, decide in advance that you will enjoy
your own company and that you will enjoy the event.
Before you go out, take some time to relax and pamper yourself. Have a
nice bath and play your favorite music. Put on attractive clothing that
makes you look and feel good. Make the effort to visualize yourself having
fun and enjoying the coming experience.
If you find yourself visualizing yourself feeling lonely and sorry for
yourself, make a conscious effort to visualize yourself having fun.
While you are at the event, whatever it is, do everything you can to
increase the enjoyment you get out ot it.
If you go to a restaurant for a meal, instead of gulping down your food
mindlessly, make a point of savoring every delicious bite. Sip your wine
slowly. Take whatever pleasure you can in the situation. Open up all your
senses, and open your mind. Create the best time for yourself that you
possibly can.
If you approach going out by yourself with a positive attitude, you will
find that you can learn to enjoy solitary activities much more than you
expected.
Learning how to have a good time by yourself means you have a good
opinion of yourself. It means that you treat yourself well, that you create
your own self esteem without depending on the opinions of others to feel
good about yourself.
If you can learn to create pleasure and fun for yourself, you will be
less panicky when you are faced with spending time alone. You’ll also become
more confident, more interesting, and much more attractive to others.
When you are faced with the prospect of yet another weekend alone, you
can also take the initiative to call someone you know and suggest a fun
activity such as having coffee, or attending a movie. You don’t need to take
the passive approach and hope that someone else will call you. If you spend
your whole life waiting for the phone to ring, hoping that someone will call
and invite you to go on an outing, you are giving up control of your social
life to everyone else.
Why not take control of your social life? You can create your own social
events and invite other people to join you. You can ask others if they’d
like to come and watch television with you. You can invite people over to
your place for supper.
If you don’t want to host an activity in your home, there are thousands
of possibilities right outside your doorstep, limited only by your
imagination. You can organize a picnic, an outing to the zoo, or a trip to
the bowling alley. You can suggest a walk through the park, or a visit to a
library or art gallery….A tennis match…..A tractor pull…..A concert…..A
movie. It’s up to you.
You can invite people you know well, and you can include others you have
only recently met. You can even ask your friends to bring some of their
other friends along.
If you have never dreamed of initiating a social event on your own, is it
because you are too shy? Do you fear rejection? Does the thought of
initiating a social event seem terrifying to you? Is it just too different
from the behavior you are used to? The more often you do it, the easier it
will become.
Your social occasions don’t need to be big and complicated. You can start
very small, with just one or two people. You don’t need to plan a big,
exciting event, and it doesn’t have to be perfect! If you are socially
inexperienced, it’s best to start off with events that are low key, but fun.
Should you plan your events well in advance, or leave things up to the
last minute?
The right answer for one situation might not be true in another.
If you live in a big city with a fast bustling pace, and if everyone you
know is swamped with too many things to do, then you will probably have to
send out your invitations well in advance. Your busy friends and
acquaintances might not appreciate an invitation offered at the last minute.
If you live among people who are more relaxed, who have very open
schedules, in a place where there aren’t a lot of tight deadlines and time
pressures, then they may be happy to get an invitation from you to go to
coffee an hour from the time you call them.
If anyone turns you down, don’t spend even one minute wondering why those
people are not coming! Just concentrate on finding those people who would
love to spend time with you.
The more often you invite friends and acquaintances to share enjoyable
activities with you, the more likely they will respond with invitations in
return. They will even look to you for social leadership.
The real winner here is you. If you learn to create your own social
occasions, and invite others to enjoy them with you, you won’t ever have to
fear another boring, lonely weekend. You can fill your time with activities
and people you enjoy!
This article is taken from the new downloadable book by Royane Real
titled "How You Can Have All the Friends You Want - Your Complete Guide to
Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends" Check it out at
http://www.royanereal.com
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