As you have discovered, the effects of child abuse are wide ranging and long lasting. It has affected not just yourself but others with whom you try to build relationships.

You must ask yourself how strong is your relationship with your boyfriend. How strong do you want it to be. How strong, indeed, does he want it to be.  There is no doubt that you will have to share your past experiences with a partner with whom you wish to have a good, lasting relationship. Yet you do not want to share it with just any or every one of your partners.

So if you wish and if you feel that this is the right partner for you, then you must share your experiences.

The best way to do this is simply to take him somewhere safe and quiet where you can be alone and tell him the story of your past. Tell him the actual events and how they make you feel. It may be difficult for him to listen. Try to sense how he feels as you tell him, does he feel anger, compassion, or does he try to stop you talking as he feels uncomfortable. Try not to keep details from him if he asks but try not to reveal names of others involved - the last thing you may want is for him to go off on a foolish 'revenge' mission.

If he really is the right man for you, then he will be understanding and ready to accept you as you are. It may though take him a few days to come round as he may want to think things thru in his head. Give him the time he needs but not too long.

Whatever the outcome, if you have not had conseling, then you should seek it to help you come to terms with what has happened.

If your boyfriend stands by you, then you should both seek counseling to help you both come to a better understanding. If your boyfriend becomes your long term partner, then you cannot deny him sexual pleasure and the counseling will be the first step to helping the two of you build a healthy relationship.