I seem to sense
that there are two issues here. Firstly, there is one dealing with
your self-esteem and, second, one dealing with your worries about
being open and trusting with your new boyfriend. These two issues seem
to be related back to your abortion.
Two years ago,
you made your decision to have an abortion. You now have to live with
the consequences of your decision. As you have discovered, the
consequences are far reaching. Any man who wants to be with you, and
certainly any man who loves you, must also accept that decision you
made. Indeed, you will find that any man who really loves you will
have no difficulty accepting you for what you are, who you are and the
consequences of any decision you have made in the past.
I suggest you
should feel free to ask you new boyfriend about his past - if this is
something you really wish to know about ! Remember, his past is only a
part of him;- the present with you and the future are perhaps more
important. If he asks about your past, tell him if it is appropriate
to the train of conversation. If his feelings for you are true, then
he will accept it.
Now to the
question of your self-esteem. I am sure your self-esteem will improve
when you find a guy who accepts you for who you are. Yet self-esteem
should not rely upon others. Your low self-esteem seems again to
relate back to your abortion. You need to come to terms with this and
accept it yourself, - after all, you cannot change it.
Once you have
really accepted it and start to stop grieving inside, then you can
start to value yourself more. This will be the first step to raising