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At times in our lives, we each experience
problems in our relationships, in dating or meeting people.
Sometimes these relationship problems can be small ones and
sometimes they can be major ones. We can all use a little help
and advice in dealing with these problems. One of the best ways
of seeking help is to talk about or share your problems. Here,
we give you the chance to tell us about your problem. |
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My
boyfriend still masturbates.
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I recently moved in with my
boyfriend. I know that he masturbated a lot when I wasn't living
with him but he told me that he wouldn't need to when i was living
with him. So this morning he was at the computer in his bedroom,
where i thought he was doing some college stuff, when i walked in he
quickly changed the screen and deleted a bunch of stuff. I asked him
if he was masturbating and he said no why would he need to. So i
left the room again and told him to come out to the living room with
me. I also suggested that we take a shower together. After another
while he still hadn't come out so i snuck back to his room and
peeked in. I saw him clicking through several porn movies till he
saw one he liked, then he proceeded to masturbate. I opened the door
and he jumped and quickly turned off the screen. i walked out then
and i haven't talked to him since. i feel extremely disgusting right
now, because i feel that he isn't physically attracted to me
anymore. Why would he masturbate to porn when he knows i am in
the next room, more than willing to satisfy him. Please Help
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Our reply
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Your problem
seems to be that you feel your boyfriend is not physically attracted
to you anymore and that he is masturbating and finding images of other
women more attractive.
It may also be
that while he finds porn images sexually exciting, he is also ashamed
of it.
For many guys,
sex and emotions are separate. When he masturbates to porn images, he
has no feelings for the girl(s) he is observing. It is simply sexual.
For you, he has feelings. While he may wish to indulge in sexual
fantasies with you, he is worried that he may feel he is degrading you
and seeing you in the same way he sees a porn star.
It may also be
that he is 'turned on' by particular types of sexual activities.
Activities he might not even suggest to you for fear of offending you.
You seem to be
more open than he believes you are; in that you say that you are
prepared to satisfy him sexually. You need to show him again that you
may be prepared to indulge his fantasies. Perhaps share a porn movie
and mutual masturbation. Then, over time, show him that he no longer
has need of porn.
Unless, of
course, you discover that his fantasies are too gross for you. In
which case, it is better to know this and, if you so feel, end your
relationship.
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