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Relationship Problems


My boyfriend still masturbates.

I recently moved in with my boyfriend. I know that he masturbated a lot when I wasn't living with him but he told me that he wouldn't need to when i was living with him. So this morning he was at the computer in his bedroom, where i thought he was doing some college stuff, when i walked in he quickly changed the screen and deleted a bunch of stuff. I asked him if he was masturbating and he said no why would he need to. So i left the room again and told him to come out to the living room with me. I also suggested that we take a shower together. After another while he still hadn't come out so i snuck back to his room and peeked in. I saw him clicking through several porn movies till he saw one he liked, then he proceeded to masturbate. I opened the door and he jumped and quickly turned off the screen. i walked out then and i haven't talked to him since. i feel extremely disgusting right now, because i feel that he isn't physically attracted to me anymore. Why would he  masturbate to porn when he knows i am in the next room, more than willing to satisfy him. Please Help

Our reply

. Your problem seems to be that you feel your boyfriend is not physically attracted to you anymore and that he is masturbating and finding images of other women more attractive.

It may also be that while he finds porn images sexually exciting, he is also ashamed of it.

For many guys, sex and emotions are separate. When he masturbates to porn images, he has no feelings for the girl(s) he is observing. It is simply sexual. For you, he has feelings. While he may wish to indulge in sexual fantasies with you, he is worried that he may feel he is degrading you and seeing you in the same way he sees a porn star.

It may also be that he is 'turned on' by particular types of sexual activities. Activities he might not even suggest to you for fear of offending you.

You seem to be more open than he believes you are; in that you say that you are prepared to satisfy him sexually. You need to show him again that you may be prepared to indulge his fantasies. Perhaps share a porn movie and mutual masturbation. Then, over time, show him that he no longer has need of porn.

Unless, of course, you discover that his fantasies are too gross for you. In which case, it is better to know this and, if you so feel, end your relationship.







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