unhealthy relationship:signs of an unhealthy relationship
Recognizing
Unhealthy Relationships
Can you recognize signs of an unhealthy
relationship?
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By Heather J. Tait
One of the keys to obtaining a better life or living arrangement is to
assess the quality of relationships that you surround yourself with. Do
you surround yourself with loving relationships or unhealthy
relationships? For someone that has a pattern or history with unhealthy
relationships, the difference between the two may be difficult to
decipher.
Healthy relationships are relationships that add to our well being, not
subtract. They bring out the best of us by being supportive of our goals
and our inner selves. Unhealthy relationships often cause us stress and
subtract from our well being, often leaving us feeling depleted of
energy.
Common symptoms of unhealthy relationships include sickness, stress, and
a negative outlook of ourselves and our world around us. People who are
accustomed to unhealthy relationships often stay cornered in situations
like this because they do not recognize that there is another way of
living. They might continue the unhealthy relationship indefinitely and
never seek a better way of life for themselves or they may leave the
unhealthy relationship, but not the pattern.
The life pattern is essentially the root of the problem. The pattern may
have stemmed from family upbringing or any other form of influential
relationship. The key is to recognize the behavior and identify where it
is coming from.
A creative way to assess your patterns is to write it down. Take out a
notebook that you know you will keep for years to come. Write down all
the major relationships that you have had in your life. Your earliest
form of relationship more than likely was a family member or someone
acting in this form. Note how they showed you love. Then note how you
reciprocated that love. Continue in a chronological order with any
additional relationships you have had, i.e. friends, personal and love
relationships.
Next make a column on your right hand side. Re-read your assessments in
order, as you read through them determine whether they were healthy or
unhealthy and mark it down in your right hand column. Having an overview
of your relationships right before your eyes makes it easier to ‘look’
at. You may actually bring issues to attention that you were not aware
of before. For some this may even be a rather emotional exercise, but be
reminded it is an exercise encouraging growth and healthy behavior.
Whatever your circumstance take time to assess your own involvements and
choices with relationships. Do you always pick a controlling
relationship? Or do you always pick a relationship where you are the
enabler? Are you respecting your own boundaries while you are in a
relationship or are they being sacrificed? Are you always compromising
your time and energy to please another? Or are you always compromising
your morals or beliefs? Are you maintaining a balance with yourself and
other activities? Or are you focusing so much on the other person that
you are not taking care of other obligations and priorities?
All of these questions will help you identify the quality of choices you
are making when you are choosing relationships. Once you identify your
pattern, you can no longer deny an unhealthy relationship. Awareness
will make your own behavior and the unhealthy relationship even more
difficult to tolerate.
Once you identify your patterns and bring it fourth into awareness, the
next process is change. Granted the other party involved will not always
agree or like the change that you are going to make, but you have to
take action for yourself. In the long run you both will suffer if even
one of you is unhappy.
How can we avoid unhealthy relationships? By learning to love and care
for ourselves regardless of whether or not someone is in our lives. Once
we identify our own needs we can easily work with others feelings
without interfering with our own. When we establish a relationship with
ourselves, we no longer have to have ‘needy’ relationships. Instead we
can re-teach ourselves to have ‘giving’ relationships.
Follow your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right to you with a
relationship then pay attention to those feelings. They are there for a
reason. Some people can grow together inside their relationships and
some may have to grow apart. The key is to look at ourselves and our
relationships in their truest light.
Know that each one of us is entitled to have a loving relationship or
friendship. We are worthy of receiving love just as we are worthy of
giving it. True partnership fills our cups with abundance, joy, and
solidarity, a gift that multiplies within our hearts and our families’.
By Artist & Inspirational Writer Heather J.Tait
Artist and Inspirational Writer Heather J. Tait began her career as a
professional artist back in 1997 in Morgan Hill, CA. Her work and
articles are displayed internationally. She is also the founder of
Silence Speaks International Artist Association and the Editor of
Intrigue Magazine. She has also been inducted into the 2004-2005 Who’s
Who Among American Women. Email: contact@silencespeaks.com Silence
Speaks
http://www.silencespeaks.com
Source: www.isnare.com
Can you recognize signs of an unhealthy
relationship?
How healthy is your Relationship?
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