Cougar Relationships
Older women Younger men
relationships.
The Woman's Guide to Younger Men
By
Chris Olander
I often awake to find Beverly, my older wife,
wrapped around me like a Virginia creeper. In the nineteen years
since we met, she has shown me what true love is, and I couldn't
live without it. For the first time, I have someone who wants me
as much as I want her.
Falling in love with an older woman is the
best thing I ever did, and I'm not alone. The percentage of
women marrying younger men doubled over the past two decades,
and women marrying for the second time are seven times more
likely to marry a younger man.
Listen to women with younger husbands or
lovers and you'll hear:
-
"We're a perfect fit,"
-
"He accepts me as I am,"
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"He keeps me young,"
-
"I liked it on top."
If you haven't discovered the joys of a
younger man, it's probably cultural. Close your eyes and imagine
a romantic couple snuggling together. One person is older and
distinguished; the other is young and sexy. What do you see in
your mind's eye? If it's an older man with his second (or third)
wife, you're not alone. Hollywood is run by men, so it's hard to
escape their fantasies.
Perhaps it's time to rewrite the script.
Women who consider younger partners triple their chances of
finding the love they deserve. More importantly, older women and
younger men enjoy equal, open, and exciting relationships. As
one forty-seven year old divorcee with a twenty-eight year old
lover says, "Younger men are just more fun."
The first step in finding the right partner
is to know more about yourself. What are you passionate about?
Think about people, places, objects, issues, careers,
organizations, and hobbies. Write down several, starting with
the most important.
Close your eyes and imagine your ideal
soulmate. What things must you share? What's "negotiable?"
(Careful, this doesn't mean ignoring your feelings, denying
deeply held beliefs, or trying to change someone else). What's
"non-negotiable?"
Imagine yourself on your deathbed. What are
three things you wish you had done? This may seem like a curious
way to find a mate, but sometimes we're too busy living our
lives to question whether it's the right life. Think about what
you really want, not what you think you should want. This might
include raising a family, succeeding at your career, building a
business, fighting for an issue, or finding a spiritual
community. We all have many roles in life, but pick your top
three priorities.
Now look in the mirror and remember yourself
ten years ago. Didn't you have many of the same hopes and dreams
then that you have now? Imagine the ideal partner for your
younger self. Before thinking "he's too young for me," ask, "too
young for what?" It might be time to "think again" about younger
men.
If you can't imagine yourself with a younger
man, let your interests, aspirations, and values guide you. The
best way to find someone worthwhile is to become the person you
always wanted to be. By being good to yourself and others, you
help people become better and you attract better people.
Visualize doing something with your soulmate
(no, outside the bedroom). Where are you? Browsing at the local
bookstore? Jogging? Building homes for poor families? If you're
looking for the right person, you can meet your ideal partner
anytime, anywhere, doing almost anything.
The most important thing is to be yourself
rather than pretending to be someone you think others will want.
Remember the "rules" for women that advised: "Don't talk to a
man first" and "Don't call him and rarely return his calls"? You
can make your own rules by understanding that age is an asset.
If you believe in yourself, you'll look for someone to
complement you rather than complete you.
Start by being less concerned about whether a
man is older, wiser, richer, taller, or all the things you might
have wanted when you were sixteen. the most important thing
about a man is his character. Younger guys may need guidance,
but we all teach others how to treat us, and older women are
better teachers.
No matter what your age, you don't need to
change the world to find love, sometimes all that has to change
is you. If you are open to a different kind of relationship, a
younger man will appear in your life. It happens all the time.
About The Author
Copyright 2004 - Chris K. Olander
Chris Olander, author of The Ageless Love
trilogy at
http://www.youngerlover.com, is Executive Director Emeritus
of two private foundations in New York City. He lives with his
wife Beverly in Cornwall on Hudson, NY.
Olander5@aol.com
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